December 25th

Today is December 25th. To me it is just another day. Sure, I will visit with family, eat some food, exchange a few gifts, but all in all, it is simply another day. I will put zero emphasis on today as some sort of special day designated to celebrating the birth of Christ. I will not act like today is some sort of event sanctioned by the living God.
I will live today like I do every day. I will strive to seek God hourly through the power of His Son Jesus. I will seek to love others and honor them. I will encourage others to seek His Presence. I will let joy fill my heart because I am redeemed.
Today is just another day to me and although I am surrounded by hoopla it will not affect me. I will live as I do every single day, alive to You.

Normalcy has been crushed

I want to know how different things were after You died on the cross. I want to know the emotion, the thoughts and everything that was going on in those who had seen You, had followed You. It would have been so crazy to have been around this “revolutionary” and seen the things that You did and to have heard the things that You said. It shook everything around You. You shook everything. The force that You had as You walked from town to town was staggering. Your very presence had massive crowds bustling around stopping to see You, flocking to watch You. You had towns standing on edge to hear what You would say and see what You would do. I can sit here and try to imagine the conversations that were had afterwords but I am not quite clear how it would have sounded. What does one say after witnessing a paralytic rise up and walk? I think You would forever go down as “that one guy.” Remember that one guy….Why is it that only a few that saw who You really were? Do I see who you are? I want to be one of the ones that would have kept following. When I look at You all I see is the truth of all the universe. You carry and possess everything that I could ever want and more. The door that You open is the greatest possible opening that one could ever ask for. Have I walked through it? I have read what You said. Even more important, I have followed You to the cross. I can see it and I can see You there. Why are You there? What are You doing there? This is where You wanted me to follow You right? What does this mean? I see You there. I know that You are there, that it is You. I see the Son of God on a cross? What does this mean? I know that You said that You had to go there, but You never said why? What is the meaning? What are the implications of this? The emptiness that everyone had to feel after You died had to been suffocating. We followed You to the cross, then You were gone.
I am sure that they had start recalling the things that You said, “I am here to save, heal, bring joy and fulfillment to your lives.” Now You are gone. You said that nobody could know God apart from You, now what? You said that You would be gone for three days, now You are gone forever. I remember what You did, what You said, but now what? Three years wasted. Well maybe not wasted. What was witnessed had never been witnessed before. But now what?
I can imagine the “breaking news” that came. There are reports that You are back! The confusion and anger of some cruel joke someone was playing. Then a few more sightings. The glow of all that saw You. The instantaneous joy and hope that flooded the souls of those that saw You had to of offered something to those being told! Until finally the few were gathered and all at once there You were. The insanity of that moment is one for all time. There could not have been a calm soul in the room. The chaos of that moment would have been an explosion of everything that anyone could have wanted. The realization of what just happened had to been staggering. The one that they had followed died and then came back to life! Died and came back to life! How could it be? This became the affirmation of everything that You said. This sealed the deal. This became the permanent hope. Life could never be normal again. This was the day all things that were normal came to a crashing halt. This was the day that the extraordinary began.
I too can attest to this. All things normal have crashed and continue to crash since the day I came to know You as alive. How can anything be normal when normalcy has been crushed. Please crush the normalcy of my life! How can it be that my life would resemble anything of that of someone that hasn’t seen You alive. You are alive, things can never be the same. You changed everything for them, You changed everything for me. Nobody that You appeared to was the same afterwords, how could they be? How could I be? I emphatically declare, I cannot be. Normalcy has been crushed.

Resolved To Live

Resolved to Live
There are things in my life that I want to do differently for the remainder of my days on this earth. These are resolutions, things that I am resolved to do. Each thing I will fail at many, many times but eventually I will prevail. I have been given a power that overcame death and through which the framework of the entire universe was created. Therefore, I will overcome. These are things that when I am not paying attention seem to jump up and bite me like a rattlesnake or even worse pounce me like a lurking lion. It will require constant faith, diligence, warning, reminding, discipline, desire, seeking, listening, looking and patience. In the end I will look different and those around me will be different. I am putting them out there as a way of accountability. Maybe the three of you that stumble upon this can ask me, “hey, are you staying on top of those resolutions, are you living resolved?” I am confident as can be that if I do what I know is required I will overcome these and be able to see even more depth to the flesh that I hate. For now this is the surface and middle area of it. The depths of it are yet to come but these things are first. These are things brought to my attention by my Father, as well as others that I love.
Resolved to do:
When unexpected attack comes from the enemy, I will run. I will not try and fight because I am in no shape to fight, otherwise I would have seen it coming.
When I am tired I will go to sleep. Staying awake will always lead to trouble, immediate and next day.
If I talk to any person in an attitude I would hate to receive myself, I will immediately apologize and seek again the presence of God.
I will curb my appetite by seeking His presence.
I will once a day consider how God loves people and ask to have one day of extreme love. When this day finally comes I will let it change me forever.
I will not be on the computer when my children are around, unless a very specific and urgent matter is at hand.
I will write something every other day.
I will seek the presence of God once an hour. When I fail I will learn from it.
I will continue to learn how each person around me feels loved and learn to become that in their life, as opposed to loving how I think they should be. Love becomes what it needs to be in order to achieve what it is.
Whenever anger starts to arise in my heart I will seek its root and pull it.
I will ask, look, and listen as much as possible so that I can receive, see and hear.
I will confess exaggeration to the point that it no longer exists.
I will have this list automatically texted to me once a day and I resolve to read it every day.

Worthy to be Loved

Worthy to be Loved: The goal of this is to convince you that you are worthy to be loved, that Love declares you to be worthy and wants you to feel it as well.

There is something quite magical about being rooted in the love of God. It is something that I continue to grow deeper and deeper in. The depth of it is astonishing and it is true that we simply cannot comprehend the exact depths of it. Something that continues to be a revelation to me is what His love means, meaning: learning what love actually is. Its very definition is defined throughout Scripture but actually encountering it and experiencing it is totally different thing. Being told that you are loved is nothing like being loved. Being loved is an experience that brings to me such humility. It is so overpowering and will catch me totally off guard at times. I find that those moments are always best when I know I did nothing at all to provoke it. When it is poured out on me simply because the other person truly loves me is such an extraordinary time (meaning that “ordinary” cannot compare to it). When this happens even though I feel unworthy, the other person is saying, “YOU ARE WORTHY of my love.” Not because of something you did, because you are you. This is by far the greatest love that I have experienced. What a confidence this breeds! It is so empowering to be loved like this.
There has been something new and exciting that I have been experiencing in regards to God’s love that really has empowered me. It has given me great confidence and I am positive that is one of the main reasons that it was done. It has to be, because God says that He is Love. He sent Jesus out of His love. Not to prove His love, but because love is a verb. Love Does. There is nothing that God has done to prove His love. There is no such thing with Him. Everything He has done defines what love actually is as opposed to what we think it is. This is such a huge point of understanding. Jesus did not come to prove love but because love rescues, love reaches out a hand. It would not be love if there was no rescue. There was never a chance that the rescue would not come. He would not have been able to declare Himself to be Love. I am learning that every new leaf I turn over with Him shows me a new depth of this love. So I feel compelled to share this leaf with you. Maybe you yourself have turned over this leaf yourself and know its depths, if not, please let your roots dig in deeper!
Jesus Christ God’s Son, came to this earth. He walked on this earth, He lived and ate and worked and interacted with mankind on this earth. He did not do this on another planet, He did it here on the same ground that we walk and do the same things on. He offered Himself up to the living God, whom He called Father as a sacrifice for all of mankind. The Scriptures make this bold statement: for by a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified. This perfection is what I am delighted to share. This perfection is what I consider to be the expression of love that I mentioned earlier. It is the love that you want to say I am not worthy of, but screams, “YOU ARE WORTHY!” This is something that only Love can do. Only He can do it. Now on to the explanation.
In the letter to the Romans, Paul lays out so much stuff that it is so easy to gloss over it but upon reading it again and again you begin to pick up what he is declaring to these people. It is shocking shocking and more shocking. The implications of what it is saying and what it means will drive us into stinkin’ eternity. Paul declares in Romans 5 we have been justified by faith. These six words are so explosive I think that we have to be careful with them and watch out for fireworks to come shooting out of someone’s heart as they latch onto the implications of what this declares. First off a quick Bryon recap of what faith is.
Faith begins in one of two ways, either a serious dilemma or problem or an extreme desire or want. A problem arises that you cannot fix yourself, you need help. You look around and finally find something or someone that you think can get you out of your dilemma, this becomes your hope. Hope is the thing that you think will lead to you no longer having the problem. Once you find it you live with a confidence that it will take care of the issue and life can continue on. This time period is faith. It is living with a hope to a problem. You have faith, you live by faith that this hope will fix things. The other type is an extreme desire. You want something really bad. You know that you yourself cannot do anything to get it, you need something else to get you there. You locate what you think will get you there, again this becomes your hope and again you adjust your life to live confidently that you are on your way to having what you want because the hope that you have found.
Our faith justifies us. Let’s define this faith, what is the want or need? In this case they go hand in hand. We have a desire to know the one true God. We also have a need in that we are separated from Him because of our sin. This is a serious want and desire that we ourselves cannot do anything about so we are in need of help. Well we now learn about this man Jesus. We are told that he offered Himself up for all the sins of mankind. We are also told this, God was very well pleased in this and raised Jesus from the dead and He now sits at His right hand and forever mediates on our behalf. Now comes the crucial point….This is the same exact crucial point that every single man or woman will have to come to. Do you believe God? Do you believe that God accepted His Son back from the dead? Do you believe that God accepted His Son’s blood on behalf of your sin? If your answer is yes to these questions, you have found an answer or solution to your dilemma and desire. You now have a hope. You can now continue your life living confidently that you are no longer separated from God and that indeed you can know Him. We are told that this faith justifies us……oh man here we go!!!!! This faith, this confidence justifies us! Here is a glimpse at what it means to be justified. To be justified means that you have been found worthy of some honor or distinction. You have been found worthy. You have enough value that entitles you to receive something. The act of being justified is a one time, good for all time act. Any time something has been justified it is done. Justification is not a process. In some cases a process takes place to reach justification. Here’s a cheesy example: A student enrolls in college completes their undergrad, enrolls in law school, completes that, takes the bar exam, passes that now they are justified to be called a lawyer. There was a process that took place that now defends or backs up why they are called a lawyer. But once it has been done, it is done. The work is complete. There is a reason. Justification is about reasoning. It is about vindication and clarification. Our confidence that Jesus is our hope now makes us worthy. It vindicates us once and for all. It is finished, just as Jesus said. Every single one of us that has found that hope is now worthy to not only stand before the awesome Creator, but also to know and interact with this awesome Creator. Here is the love part. He are told that our faith justifies us. This is what real Love does. He makes us feel of the utmost value and worth. Love will not make you feel like you do not deserve it, love will make you feel so worthy of it. What has one of your kids ever done upon being born for love to swell up in you and pour out on them….absolutely nothing! But as they grow our love should leave them feeling worthy of it, non conditional. This is the new confidence that I have. My faith makes me valuable and instead of pity, I feel loved. This love looks like this: blessed are those whose lawless deeds are forgiven, and whose sins are covered: blessed is the man against whom the Lord will not count his sins. This is the justified person. This is the man that believes God when He says that is very pleased with His Son. I believe God. Abraham believed God. This in turn pleased God. God is just as pleased with you or I when we believe Him. It is the same righteousness that was accounted to Abraham that is now accounted to us. This worthiness gives us the boldness and confidence that we can have before Him. There is peace and reconciliation because we are made valuable by the blood of Jesus. Here’s the clincher, Romans 5 1-5. Our worth is the result and effect of what God’s love being poured out into our hearts does. Love will never ever let its recipient feel unworthy, that is pity. Love will pick them up and stand them on their feet and say, “you my dear, are worthy of my love!” Faith makes us worthy, it gives us the value that we need, the reason, the vindication. It is all that we need. I am worthy of Salvation because of His blood. I am worthy to be in His presence because He received His Son’s offering and raised Him up and that is my hope. An effect of His love is Justification. The justification of Jesus removes any condemnation that could exist because it provides the reason or defense to our standing before God. My confidence in Him becomes my defense. It is all that I need to come before Him. I cannot carry anything else in. His blood makes me worthy to stand before God. We are now of value and precious before Him. We are in essence validated, allowed, permitted, fully and completely. It is a finished work. Now like Abraham we can grow strong in our faith fully convinced that He is able to do all that He has promised!
Do you feel worthy? Better yet do you now know that to God you are worthy of His love? It comes down to this, do you believe Him?

Meditations while laying in bed with the flu

In essence I am the same person I was 12 years ago. On the outside I look the same it is inside that has been transformed, even that though is essentially the same. My need for Jesus is still as much real today as it has ever been. There will never be a point that this is not true. There is no collection of obedience or love that I can produce to overcome even one sin. I could live sinless (I do not believe in this) for the next 25 years and slip up and sin and my 25 years of obedience could not cover that one sin. It is my confidence (faith) in Jesus that will purchase my forgiveness. It will always be His blood that atones for my sin. Anyone that is out there trying to say that your obedience is what gets you life with God is flat out wrong. It will always be about Jesus.
Sin wrecks all peace. Honestly I love this. I love that if I do something out of selfishness, pride, lust, envy, or anger I do not have the peace that I had prior to it. This makes it so obvious that the rest of the life that I am living is true. I love that I cannot go on as if nothing happened and try to converse with the creator. I love how giant He is and how small I am and when that it is its proper place. What I like even more is when I draw near and seek the forgiveness of God with Jesus at my side and not only does forgiveness take place but peace once again floods my soul. This always brings such amazing clarity of who I am, who my Father is, and who Jesus is.
Self proclaimed prophets that attack Christianity and think that their obedience is what sets them apart from “other” Christians and do not love those other Christians or care enough about those other Christians to actually go and teach them but sit back and criticize, are Pharisees. They will be judged by God. I do not subscribe to mainstream Christianity by any means. But I see is that is what the Bible says there will be. Little Children, Young Men, and Fathers. Unfortunately it is also true that there are not many Fathers. Those that really know God, Him who is from the beginning. If self proclaimed prophets actually knew God they would be going to these “children” and teach them and bring them along. All they do is criticize and use Bible verses in all the wrong ways. Let those who are wise shut their mouths, unless they are bringing others along instead of pointing out that people are doing it wrong. There is no method laid out in the Scriptures. These “remnant” types are trying to have another method, another law. It is about Jesus and loving Jesus and teaching others what this means. Those who are strong should go to the weak. The weak want help. The strong think that they are strong but they have no idea how weak they really are. Their obedience is their righteousness, I think that error is obvious. They think that they hear God but all that comes out of their mouth is condemnation for those trying to follow. Nobody recorded in the new testament speaks in that manner. Father, I beg you to always keep me filled with compassion and love. I would rather remain a child then not be able to offer practical truth.

the law versus faith

Meditations on the Law versus Faith
There is a total difference between living according to the law and living according to faith or the Spirit.
They produce totally different types of lives. As a result, the worship that comes from each one, looks and feels different.
The life of the law produces a life that feels like you have to do something in order to please God. You have to read your Bible, you have to pray, you have to go to church and do spiritual things. Everything that you do has to be sprinkled with some sort of spiritual seasoning to be accepted by God. It is weighty and pressure filled and leads to much grief, regret and shame. You feel that you didn’t do enough, you didn’t try hard enough, you didn’t say or do the right thing, or you didn’t do anything at all therefore you are a failure before God and now you have to feel sorrow instead of joy because how can you have joy when you failed so much. It is your sacrifice. If you had a lamb you would cut its head off.
Living by law does another thing as well. When you feel as if you are pulling it off it also produces pride, self righteousness, and judgment. When you are doing all that you think that you should you feel good. You feel like you are making God so happy and that maybe you got this whole thing figured out. You are helping others, being a good spouse, taking care of the kids, reading your bible, all the positives of being a Christian. Unfortunately you are also thinking, wow look at me I really am living it. You know enough not to want someone to actually be looking at you, but inside you are looking at yourself feeling pretty proud that you are doing all these great things. But then a day comes that you start seeing how poorly others love God. They are not doing these great things, they are not doing anything. They are so lazy and self absorbed. They only think about themselves. I can’t believe that they let their kids do that, I would never let my kids do that. The very essence of judgment is thinking that you do everything better than everyone else. This comes by thinking that doing everything right is living by faith. This is actually living according to the law. The life of being good at the things of God is living according to the law. This is the way of self righteousness and pride. It lives it life knowing all about Jesus and that you have to live trying to be so good at the things of the Bible and this pleases God. Knowing about Jesus and doing good things.
Living by faith now is a totally different animal. Living by faith is one that produces a life that is totally different then the law. The law tries to please God. Faith accepts God’s pleasure in His Son. Faith lets you live in a way that the God burden is completely melted away. I believe with all of my heart that the life of faith will completely overcome the life of living in fear. The life of faith destroys the fear of being cut off or cast away. A life of faith produces a confidence that Jesus is enough. That building your life upon Jesus being God’s Son is enough to satisfy the law. That the cross is enough to overcome regret, guilt, shame. The cross destroys our pride, our self righteousness, and our judgment.
When I say life of faith, what am I talking about? Here is what it means to me, maybe I am wrong. I believe with all my heart that when Jesus died on the cross, He did it for me. That all of my ugly, He paid for it. I believe that it was the only way that I could ever truly be ok with God. In coming before God if I present Him His dead Son, it cleanses me from all that I have done. Just like a priest that presented God a dead animal for atonement (healing and forgiveness) on behalf of the people, I present Him His dead Son for mine. I truly believe that the God of all Creation truly accepts it and says that yes, indeed this is true. You now have peace with me. Now an even better part I also believe with all of my heart, I not only have received peace but I have also received life. Unlike the sacrificed animal that decays and rots and that is that until the next offering. I believe that my sacrifice didn’t rot and I now have to offer another sacrifice. I believe that when I present to God His Son, He is so pleased by my confidence of His Sacrifice that He now offers me something more than peace. He offered me life. I believe that Jesus truly is the living God’s Son, sent to bring me before His Father and offer me the acceptance of His Father. I believe that on top of being a sacrifice He also became a Hero. He has rescued me from death by overcoming it. I believe that this literally happened. I really believe that He then went to be back with His Father…and then sent the same Spirit that is Him. His body was flesh like ours. His Spirit made Him different. His Spirit is the same that created the Heavens and the Earth. I believe that He sent it to fill those who believe in the before mentioned parts. Why He sent it and what that means is critical. I believe He sent it to bring our soul/spirit to life, to take the dead part of us and make us alive. Alive meaning, in tune with God, or having the ability to be in tune with God. To actually be able to hear His voice again. To engage in a relationship with Him. (important to note, almost every single person that had faith in God in the Bible was able to hear His voice and engage in a real relationship with Him.) I believe that over time this Spirit corrects us, leads us, interprets for us, intercedes for us, transforms us, comforts and teaches us.) I believe that this is done through many avenues including: Reading His word, talking to Him, learning from others, nature and listening to Him. I do believe that it is a process that will lead to places not known of even shortly before. I believe that this results from constant faith in His Son.
The life of the law says, I want to know God
The life of faith believes that it does know God and interacts with Him.
The law is the I know I should want to do this yet I feel guilty for not wanting to want it. Faith says I have the power to do what I want, so I do it. If I don’t do it, I simply didn’t want to. There is no, I know that I should want to do it, but I don’t do it. Living by faith feels like I missed out on something when I did not do it rather than fake regret. ( I know that I should desire to do that, that I do not desire) Faith wants it, then goes and does it because it is Jesus. It is power that didn’t not exist before.
A life of faith walks differently. If I could paint a picture it is as a man or woman walking with a gigantic smile on their face carrying their cross. I have always heard this thrown around as another type of living by the law way. In that you have to do something that makes God happy. In the true life of faith you can dance with Your cross and show it God and feel His great pleasure. It cries out, “Yes God, I have YOUR SON” I know that I have Your Son. I have you because I have Him. I know You because God, I LOVE YOUR SON. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH! This is what makes the worship so different. There is no joy in worship according to the law. Of course when you are “on” it makes you happy to sing songs about Him. When you are off it is a burden or motion. The life of faith sees Jesus and knows His righteousness and allows you to sing right into the ear of God. Singing praises becomes one of the highest forms of living.

the blurs

One of my biggest problems is the blur. The blur is something that I define as a period of foggy living where life makes great strides in time and I missed it. There are moments that I am able to get so harnessed in that I can see it with high def vision. There will be times of Crystal clear moments and absolute clarity in sound, but then, “poof” I am shot into the future without experiencing the past. This is a major indication of not abiding. When I realized that I missed out on the experience of the past, I realized that I was not abiding in those moments.
I have been able to see that one of the major components that makes up my blurs is the fact that it very hard to focus for long period of time, for that matter, short amount of times, as well. It is a challenge to slow myself down to really see what is going on around me. This is not the type of living that I enjoy. I want to partake of this life, not skip through it for periods of time. There is something always to see, always to hear. I want the high def vision that brings life clearly into focus. When I am able to do this I have realized some things that I do differently than I do if life is cruising by. Now that I see some practical ways to abide (remain in the present to see and hear and experience everything in the now) I would like to share some of them. The biggest part of abiding is the voice of God. When I am in the now I can hear His voice with total clarity. This is not the case when I am engulfed in the blur. So when I realize that THE Voice is gone I retreat to my solitary place. Usually when I get there I have to try and stop the madness in my mind and really try and listen. An exercise that I use is I listen very closely to all of the noises around me. It starts as a jumbled mass of sounds but as I listen I can hear the individual parts that are making it up, as I listen, my hearing begins to become more acute. After a while I am able to begin to make my way into His presence and with all acuity hear His voice.
Another part of abiding is the ability to see what is really around me. Again when I get to my solitary place my mind is bouncing all over the place and I cannot really see what is around me. I gain control I slowly begin to look and see everything that is around me. I begin to name it as I see it. I do not over spiritualize it, I only name what I see, not what is inside of it. I notice the movements and how they move, the colors, the positioning, the shadows, and so on. Once I am able to see everything I look to the skies. (during this exercise I am always asking for help seeing everything) As I focus on the skies it sometimes tricky to get the eyes to cooperate so I came up this exercise that sometimes helps. I find for stars that make a square and then within that square I begin to count the stars. This will typically bring to focus everything and I am able to really see how many stars are there and from there I am able to look around and really see what is going on around me.
After these times I am able to go back into the world and live as I want to. I am able to stay in the present for longer periods of time. I hear what is going on, I see all of the sights. I am able to really help those around me instead of missing what they need. This is the type of life that I am progressing towards. Living in the now. Hopefully this will help anyone that struggles with the blurs as well. If anyone would like additional info, feel free to ask.