December 25th

Today is December 25th. To me it is just another day. Sure, I will visit with family, eat some food, exchange a few gifts, but all in all, it is simply another day. I will put zero emphasis on today as some sort of special day designated to celebrating the birth of Christ. I will not act like today is some sort of event sanctioned by the living God.
I will live today like I do every day. I will strive to seek God hourly through the power of His Son Jesus. I will seek to love others and honor them. I will encourage others to seek His Presence. I will let joy fill my heart because I am redeemed.
Today is just another day to me and although I am surrounded by hoopla it will not affect me. I will live as I do every single day, alive to You.

Normalcy has been crushed

I want to know how different things were after You died on the cross. I want to know the emotion, the thoughts and everything that was going on in those who had seen You, had followed You. It would have been so crazy to have been around this “revolutionary” and seen the things that You did and to have heard the things that You said. It shook everything around You. You shook everything. The force that You had as You walked from town to town was staggering. Your very presence had massive crowds bustling around stopping to see You, flocking to watch You. You had towns standing on edge to hear what You would say and see what You would do. I can sit here and try to imagine the conversations that were had afterwords but I am not quite clear how it would have sounded. What does one say after witnessing a paralytic rise up and walk? I think You would forever go down as “that one guy.” Remember that one guy….Why is it that only a few that saw who You really were? Do I see who you are? I want to be one of the ones that would have kept following. When I look at You all I see is the truth of all the universe. You carry and possess everything that I could ever want and more. The door that You open is the greatest possible opening that one could ever ask for. Have I walked through it? I have read what You said. Even more important, I have followed You to the cross. I can see it and I can see You there. Why are You there? What are You doing there? This is where You wanted me to follow You right? What does this mean? I see You there. I know that You are there, that it is You. I see the Son of God on a cross? What does this mean? I know that You said that You had to go there, but You never said why? What is the meaning? What are the implications of this? The emptiness that everyone had to feel after You died had to been suffocating. We followed You to the cross, then You were gone.
I am sure that they had start recalling the things that You said, “I am here to save, heal, bring joy and fulfillment to your lives.” Now You are gone. You said that nobody could know God apart from You, now what? You said that You would be gone for three days, now You are gone forever. I remember what You did, what You said, but now what? Three years wasted. Well maybe not wasted. What was witnessed had never been witnessed before. But now what?
I can imagine the “breaking news” that came. There are reports that You are back! The confusion and anger of some cruel joke someone was playing. Then a few more sightings. The glow of all that saw You. The instantaneous joy and hope that flooded the souls of those that saw You had to of offered something to those being told! Until finally the few were gathered and all at once there You were. The insanity of that moment is one for all time. There could not have been a calm soul in the room. The chaos of that moment would have been an explosion of everything that anyone could have wanted. The realization of what just happened had to been staggering. The one that they had followed died and then came back to life! Died and came back to life! How could it be? This became the affirmation of everything that You said. This sealed the deal. This became the permanent hope. Life could never be normal again. This was the day all things that were normal came to a crashing halt. This was the day that the extraordinary began.
I too can attest to this. All things normal have crashed and continue to crash since the day I came to know You as alive. How can anything be normal when normalcy has been crushed. Please crush the normalcy of my life! How can it be that my life would resemble anything of that of someone that hasn’t seen You alive. You are alive, things can never be the same. You changed everything for them, You changed everything for me. Nobody that You appeared to was the same afterwords, how could they be? How could I be? I emphatically declare, I cannot be. Normalcy has been crushed.

Resolved To Live

Resolved to Live
There are things in my life that I want to do differently for the remainder of my days on this earth. These are resolutions, things that I am resolved to do. Each thing I will fail at many, many times but eventually I will prevail. I have been given a power that overcame death and through which the framework of the entire universe was created. Therefore, I will overcome. These are things that when I am not paying attention seem to jump up and bite me like a rattlesnake or even worse pounce me like a lurking lion. It will require constant faith, diligence, warning, reminding, discipline, desire, seeking, listening, looking and patience. In the end I will look different and those around me will be different. I am putting them out there as a way of accountability. Maybe the three of you that stumble upon this can ask me, “hey, are you staying on top of those resolutions, are you living resolved?” I am confident as can be that if I do what I know is required I will overcome these and be able to see even more depth to the flesh that I hate. For now this is the surface and middle area of it. The depths of it are yet to come but these things are first. These are things brought to my attention by my Father, as well as others that I love.
Resolved to do:
When unexpected attack comes from the enemy, I will run. I will not try and fight because I am in no shape to fight, otherwise I would have seen it coming.
When I am tired I will go to sleep. Staying awake will always lead to trouble, immediate and next day.
If I talk to any person in an attitude I would hate to receive myself, I will immediately apologize and seek again the presence of God.
I will curb my appetite by seeking His presence.
I will once a day consider how God loves people and ask to have one day of extreme love. When this day finally comes I will let it change me forever.
I will not be on the computer when my children are around, unless a very specific and urgent matter is at hand.
I will write something every other day.
I will seek the presence of God once an hour. When I fail I will learn from it.
I will continue to learn how each person around me feels loved and learn to become that in their life, as opposed to loving how I think they should be. Love becomes what it needs to be in order to achieve what it is.
Whenever anger starts to arise in my heart I will seek its root and pull it.
I will ask, look, and listen as much as possible so that I can receive, see and hear.
I will confess exaggeration to the point that it no longer exists.
I will have this list automatically texted to me once a day and I resolve to read it every day.

Worthy to be Loved

Worthy to be Loved: The goal of this is to convince you that you are worthy to be loved, that Love declares you to be worthy and wants you to feel it as well.

There is something quite magical about being rooted in the love of God. It is something that I continue to grow deeper and deeper in. The depth of it is astonishing and it is true that we simply cannot comprehend the exact depths of it. Something that continues to be a revelation to me is what His love means, meaning: learning what love actually is. Its very definition is defined throughout Scripture but actually encountering it and experiencing it is totally different thing. Being told that you are loved is nothing like being loved. Being loved is an experience that brings to me such humility. It is so overpowering and will catch me totally off guard at times. I find that those moments are always best when I know I did nothing at all to provoke it. When it is poured out on me simply because the other person truly loves me is such an extraordinary time (meaning that “ordinary” cannot compare to it). When this happens even though I feel unworthy, the other person is saying, “YOU ARE WORTHY of my love.” Not because of something you did, because you are you. This is by far the greatest love that I have experienced. What a confidence this breeds! It is so empowering to be loved like this.
There has been something new and exciting that I have been experiencing in regards to God’s love that really has empowered me. It has given me great confidence and I am positive that is one of the main reasons that it was done. It has to be, because God says that He is Love. He sent Jesus out of His love. Not to prove His love, but because love is a verb. Love Does. There is nothing that God has done to prove His love. There is no such thing with Him. Everything He has done defines what love actually is as opposed to what we think it is. This is such a huge point of understanding. Jesus did not come to prove love but because love rescues, love reaches out a hand. It would not be love if there was no rescue. There was never a chance that the rescue would not come. He would not have been able to declare Himself to be Love. I am learning that every new leaf I turn over with Him shows me a new depth of this love. So I feel compelled to share this leaf with you. Maybe you yourself have turned over this leaf yourself and know its depths, if not, please let your roots dig in deeper!
Jesus Christ God’s Son, came to this earth. He walked on this earth, He lived and ate and worked and interacted with mankind on this earth. He did not do this on another planet, He did it here on the same ground that we walk and do the same things on. He offered Himself up to the living God, whom He called Father as a sacrifice for all of mankind. The Scriptures make this bold statement: for by a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified. This perfection is what I am delighted to share. This perfection is what I consider to be the expression of love that I mentioned earlier. It is the love that you want to say I am not worthy of, but screams, “YOU ARE WORTHY!” This is something that only Love can do. Only He can do it. Now on to the explanation.
In the letter to the Romans, Paul lays out so much stuff that it is so easy to gloss over it but upon reading it again and again you begin to pick up what he is declaring to these people. It is shocking shocking and more shocking. The implications of what it is saying and what it means will drive us into stinkin’ eternity. Paul declares in Romans 5 we have been justified by faith. These six words are so explosive I think that we have to be careful with them and watch out for fireworks to come shooting out of someone’s heart as they latch onto the implications of what this declares. First off a quick Bryon recap of what faith is.
Faith begins in one of two ways, either a serious dilemma or problem or an extreme desire or want. A problem arises that you cannot fix yourself, you need help. You look around and finally find something or someone that you think can get you out of your dilemma, this becomes your hope. Hope is the thing that you think will lead to you no longer having the problem. Once you find it you live with a confidence that it will take care of the issue and life can continue on. This time period is faith. It is living with a hope to a problem. You have faith, you live by faith that this hope will fix things. The other type is an extreme desire. You want something really bad. You know that you yourself cannot do anything to get it, you need something else to get you there. You locate what you think will get you there, again this becomes your hope and again you adjust your life to live confidently that you are on your way to having what you want because the hope that you have found.
Our faith justifies us. Let’s define this faith, what is the want or need? In this case they go hand in hand. We have a desire to know the one true God. We also have a need in that we are separated from Him because of our sin. This is a serious want and desire that we ourselves cannot do anything about so we are in need of help. Well we now learn about this man Jesus. We are told that he offered Himself up for all the sins of mankind. We are also told this, God was very well pleased in this and raised Jesus from the dead and He now sits at His right hand and forever mediates on our behalf. Now comes the crucial point….This is the same exact crucial point that every single man or woman will have to come to. Do you believe God? Do you believe that God accepted His Son back from the dead? Do you believe that God accepted His Son’s blood on behalf of your sin? If your answer is yes to these questions, you have found an answer or solution to your dilemma and desire. You now have a hope. You can now continue your life living confidently that you are no longer separated from God and that indeed you can know Him. We are told that this faith justifies us……oh man here we go!!!!! This faith, this confidence justifies us! Here is a glimpse at what it means to be justified. To be justified means that you have been found worthy of some honor or distinction. You have been found worthy. You have enough value that entitles you to receive something. The act of being justified is a one time, good for all time act. Any time something has been justified it is done. Justification is not a process. In some cases a process takes place to reach justification. Here’s a cheesy example: A student enrolls in college completes their undergrad, enrolls in law school, completes that, takes the bar exam, passes that now they are justified to be called a lawyer. There was a process that took place that now defends or backs up why they are called a lawyer. But once it has been done, it is done. The work is complete. There is a reason. Justification is about reasoning. It is about vindication and clarification. Our confidence that Jesus is our hope now makes us worthy. It vindicates us once and for all. It is finished, just as Jesus said. Every single one of us that has found that hope is now worthy to not only stand before the awesome Creator, but also to know and interact with this awesome Creator. Here is the love part. He are told that our faith justifies us. This is what real Love does. He makes us feel of the utmost value and worth. Love will not make you feel like you do not deserve it, love will make you feel so worthy of it. What has one of your kids ever done upon being born for love to swell up in you and pour out on them….absolutely nothing! But as they grow our love should leave them feeling worthy of it, non conditional. This is the new confidence that I have. My faith makes me valuable and instead of pity, I feel loved. This love looks like this: blessed are those whose lawless deeds are forgiven, and whose sins are covered: blessed is the man against whom the Lord will not count his sins. This is the justified person. This is the man that believes God when He says that is very pleased with His Son. I believe God. Abraham believed God. This in turn pleased God. God is just as pleased with you or I when we believe Him. It is the same righteousness that was accounted to Abraham that is now accounted to us. This worthiness gives us the boldness and confidence that we can have before Him. There is peace and reconciliation because we are made valuable by the blood of Jesus. Here’s the clincher, Romans 5 1-5. Our worth is the result and effect of what God’s love being poured out into our hearts does. Love will never ever let its recipient feel unworthy, that is pity. Love will pick them up and stand them on their feet and say, “you my dear, are worthy of my love!” Faith makes us worthy, it gives us the value that we need, the reason, the vindication. It is all that we need. I am worthy of Salvation because of His blood. I am worthy to be in His presence because He received His Son’s offering and raised Him up and that is my hope. An effect of His love is Justification. The justification of Jesus removes any condemnation that could exist because it provides the reason or defense to our standing before God. My confidence in Him becomes my defense. It is all that I need to come before Him. I cannot carry anything else in. His blood makes me worthy to stand before God. We are now of value and precious before Him. We are in essence validated, allowed, permitted, fully and completely. It is a finished work. Now like Abraham we can grow strong in our faith fully convinced that He is able to do all that He has promised!
Do you feel worthy? Better yet do you now know that to God you are worthy of His love? It comes down to this, do you believe Him?

Meditations while laying in bed with the flu

In essence I am the same person I was 12 years ago. On the outside I look the same it is inside that has been transformed, even that though is essentially the same. My need for Jesus is still as much real today as it has ever been. There will never be a point that this is not true. There is no collection of obedience or love that I can produce to overcome even one sin. I could live sinless (I do not believe in this) for the next 25 years and slip up and sin and my 25 years of obedience could not cover that one sin. It is my confidence (faith) in Jesus that will purchase my forgiveness. It will always be His blood that atones for my sin. Anyone that is out there trying to say that your obedience is what gets you life with God is flat out wrong. It will always be about Jesus.
Sin wrecks all peace. Honestly I love this. I love that if I do something out of selfishness, pride, lust, envy, or anger I do not have the peace that I had prior to it. This makes it so obvious that the rest of the life that I am living is true. I love that I cannot go on as if nothing happened and try to converse with the creator. I love how giant He is and how small I am and when that it is its proper place. What I like even more is when I draw near and seek the forgiveness of God with Jesus at my side and not only does forgiveness take place but peace once again floods my soul. This always brings such amazing clarity of who I am, who my Father is, and who Jesus is.
Self proclaimed prophets that attack Christianity and think that their obedience is what sets them apart from “other” Christians and do not love those other Christians or care enough about those other Christians to actually go and teach them but sit back and criticize, are Pharisees. They will be judged by God. I do not subscribe to mainstream Christianity by any means. But I see is that is what the Bible says there will be. Little Children, Young Men, and Fathers. Unfortunately it is also true that there are not many Fathers. Those that really know God, Him who is from the beginning. If self proclaimed prophets actually knew God they would be going to these “children” and teach them and bring them along. All they do is criticize and use Bible verses in all the wrong ways. Let those who are wise shut their mouths, unless they are bringing others along instead of pointing out that people are doing it wrong. There is no method laid out in the Scriptures. These “remnant” types are trying to have another method, another law. It is about Jesus and loving Jesus and teaching others what this means. Those who are strong should go to the weak. The weak want help. The strong think that they are strong but they have no idea how weak they really are. Their obedience is their righteousness, I think that error is obvious. They think that they hear God but all that comes out of their mouth is condemnation for those trying to follow. Nobody recorded in the new testament speaks in that manner. Father, I beg you to always keep me filled with compassion and love. I would rather remain a child then not be able to offer practical truth.

the law versus faith

Meditations on the Law versus Faith
There is a total difference between living according to the law and living according to faith or the Spirit.
They produce totally different types of lives. As a result, the worship that comes from each one, looks and feels different.
The life of the law produces a life that feels like you have to do something in order to please God. You have to read your Bible, you have to pray, you have to go to church and do spiritual things. Everything that you do has to be sprinkled with some sort of spiritual seasoning to be accepted by God. It is weighty and pressure filled and leads to much grief, regret and shame. You feel that you didn’t do enough, you didn’t try hard enough, you didn’t say or do the right thing, or you didn’t do anything at all therefore you are a failure before God and now you have to feel sorrow instead of joy because how can you have joy when you failed so much. It is your sacrifice. If you had a lamb you would cut its head off.
Living by law does another thing as well. When you feel as if you are pulling it off it also produces pride, self righteousness, and judgment. When you are doing all that you think that you should you feel good. You feel like you are making God so happy and that maybe you got this whole thing figured out. You are helping others, being a good spouse, taking care of the kids, reading your bible, all the positives of being a Christian. Unfortunately you are also thinking, wow look at me I really am living it. You know enough not to want someone to actually be looking at you, but inside you are looking at yourself feeling pretty proud that you are doing all these great things. But then a day comes that you start seeing how poorly others love God. They are not doing these great things, they are not doing anything. They are so lazy and self absorbed. They only think about themselves. I can’t believe that they let their kids do that, I would never let my kids do that. The very essence of judgment is thinking that you do everything better than everyone else. This comes by thinking that doing everything right is living by faith. This is actually living according to the law. The life of being good at the things of God is living according to the law. This is the way of self righteousness and pride. It lives it life knowing all about Jesus and that you have to live trying to be so good at the things of the Bible and this pleases God. Knowing about Jesus and doing good things.
Living by faith now is a totally different animal. Living by faith is one that produces a life that is totally different then the law. The law tries to please God. Faith accepts God’s pleasure in His Son. Faith lets you live in a way that the God burden is completely melted away. I believe with all of my heart that the life of faith will completely overcome the life of living in fear. The life of faith destroys the fear of being cut off or cast away. A life of faith produces a confidence that Jesus is enough. That building your life upon Jesus being God’s Son is enough to satisfy the law. That the cross is enough to overcome regret, guilt, shame. The cross destroys our pride, our self righteousness, and our judgment.
When I say life of faith, what am I talking about? Here is what it means to me, maybe I am wrong. I believe with all my heart that when Jesus died on the cross, He did it for me. That all of my ugly, He paid for it. I believe that it was the only way that I could ever truly be ok with God. In coming before God if I present Him His dead Son, it cleanses me from all that I have done. Just like a priest that presented God a dead animal for atonement (healing and forgiveness) on behalf of the people, I present Him His dead Son for mine. I truly believe that the God of all Creation truly accepts it and says that yes, indeed this is true. You now have peace with me. Now an even better part I also believe with all of my heart, I not only have received peace but I have also received life. Unlike the sacrificed animal that decays and rots and that is that until the next offering. I believe that my sacrifice didn’t rot and I now have to offer another sacrifice. I believe that when I present to God His Son, He is so pleased by my confidence of His Sacrifice that He now offers me something more than peace. He offered me life. I believe that Jesus truly is the living God’s Son, sent to bring me before His Father and offer me the acceptance of His Father. I believe that on top of being a sacrifice He also became a Hero. He has rescued me from death by overcoming it. I believe that this literally happened. I really believe that He then went to be back with His Father…and then sent the same Spirit that is Him. His body was flesh like ours. His Spirit made Him different. His Spirit is the same that created the Heavens and the Earth. I believe that He sent it to fill those who believe in the before mentioned parts. Why He sent it and what that means is critical. I believe He sent it to bring our soul/spirit to life, to take the dead part of us and make us alive. Alive meaning, in tune with God, or having the ability to be in tune with God. To actually be able to hear His voice again. To engage in a relationship with Him. (important to note, almost every single person that had faith in God in the Bible was able to hear His voice and engage in a real relationship with Him.) I believe that over time this Spirit corrects us, leads us, interprets for us, intercedes for us, transforms us, comforts and teaches us.) I believe that this is done through many avenues including: Reading His word, talking to Him, learning from others, nature and listening to Him. I do believe that it is a process that will lead to places not known of even shortly before. I believe that this results from constant faith in His Son.
The life of the law says, I want to know God
The life of faith believes that it does know God and interacts with Him.
The law is the I know I should want to do this yet I feel guilty for not wanting to want it. Faith says I have the power to do what I want, so I do it. If I don’t do it, I simply didn’t want to. There is no, I know that I should want to do it, but I don’t do it. Living by faith feels like I missed out on something when I did not do it rather than fake regret. ( I know that I should desire to do that, that I do not desire) Faith wants it, then goes and does it because it is Jesus. It is power that didn’t not exist before.
A life of faith walks differently. If I could paint a picture it is as a man or woman walking with a gigantic smile on their face carrying their cross. I have always heard this thrown around as another type of living by the law way. In that you have to do something that makes God happy. In the true life of faith you can dance with Your cross and show it God and feel His great pleasure. It cries out, “Yes God, I have YOUR SON” I know that I have Your Son. I have you because I have Him. I know You because God, I LOVE YOUR SON. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH! This is what makes the worship so different. There is no joy in worship according to the law. Of course when you are “on” it makes you happy to sing songs about Him. When you are off it is a burden or motion. The life of faith sees Jesus and knows His righteousness and allows you to sing right into the ear of God. Singing praises becomes one of the highest forms of living.

the blurs

One of my biggest problems is the blur. The blur is something that I define as a period of foggy living where life makes great strides in time and I missed it. There are moments that I am able to get so harnessed in that I can see it with high def vision. There will be times of Crystal clear moments and absolute clarity in sound, but then, “poof” I am shot into the future without experiencing the past. This is a major indication of not abiding. When I realized that I missed out on the experience of the past, I realized that I was not abiding in those moments.
I have been able to see that one of the major components that makes up my blurs is the fact that it very hard to focus for long period of time, for that matter, short amount of times, as well. It is a challenge to slow myself down to really see what is going on around me. This is not the type of living that I enjoy. I want to partake of this life, not skip through it for periods of time. There is something always to see, always to hear. I want the high def vision that brings life clearly into focus. When I am able to do this I have realized some things that I do differently than I do if life is cruising by. Now that I see some practical ways to abide (remain in the present to see and hear and experience everything in the now) I would like to share some of them. The biggest part of abiding is the voice of God. When I am in the now I can hear His voice with total clarity. This is not the case when I am engulfed in the blur. So when I realize that THE Voice is gone I retreat to my solitary place. Usually when I get there I have to try and stop the madness in my mind and really try and listen. An exercise that I use is I listen very closely to all of the noises around me. It starts as a jumbled mass of sounds but as I listen I can hear the individual parts that are making it up, as I listen, my hearing begins to become more acute. After a while I am able to begin to make my way into His presence and with all acuity hear His voice.
Another part of abiding is the ability to see what is really around me. Again when I get to my solitary place my mind is bouncing all over the place and I cannot really see what is around me. I gain control I slowly begin to look and see everything that is around me. I begin to name it as I see it. I do not over spiritualize it, I only name what I see, not what is inside of it. I notice the movements and how they move, the colors, the positioning, the shadows, and so on. Once I am able to see everything I look to the skies. (during this exercise I am always asking for help seeing everything) As I focus on the skies it sometimes tricky to get the eyes to cooperate so I came up this exercise that sometimes helps. I find for stars that make a square and then within that square I begin to count the stars. This will typically bring to focus everything and I am able to really see how many stars are there and from there I am able to look around and really see what is going on around me.
After these times I am able to go back into the world and live as I want to. I am able to stay in the present for longer periods of time. I hear what is going on, I see all of the sights. I am able to really help those around me instead of missing what they need. This is the type of life that I am progressing towards. Living in the now. Hopefully this will help anyone that struggles with the blurs as well. If anyone would like additional info, feel free to ask.

Make sure that you eat your broccoli

I want to preface this entry with this: I try and look at everything that I think and do through the eyes of someone that has no understanding of what the magic book says. In doing so I would think that I look like a total idiot. I do not look cool or even sane for that matter. If I was watching someone whose whole life revolved around things that are unseen, I would try to help them find their mind again. I say that so that anyone that reads this that has no idea what this is that I know exactly how they feel. Eleven years ago something dramatic happened on my insides that changed the way I see and experience everything. I know that it looks crazy, but it is the highest form of living that exists. I believe that everything in the magic book is true and is leading me to my ultimate goal.....to intimately know the Creator of this whole thing called life. I truly believe with every ounce of my being that we were all born to know this Creator. It is so unbelievably (yet very believable) perfect. There is no higher philosophy than this. I believe that on a daily basis I am interacting with the Living God, through the life of Jesus. Yeah that crazy Jesus that Christmas is supposedly about. The one that the churches try telling you about. The Jesus in the magic book is so much better than what most try and tell us about. I am sure that my readership will take a plunge by the mere mention of His name, but I am telling you, what I have experienced in the last decade is far more than any single one of you have and I am the biggest loser out of everyone that I know!
Anyways that preface was longer than planned. I just wanted to say that I know that I look like an idiot but I am the most peaceful, remarkably changed idiot that I know!
I am working on writing out all my thoughts and understanding of how the magic book is supposed to work in your life. Lately I have been able to clearly see what the progression of life can look like if properly taught and understood. The progression is so gentle and kind and looks exactly like the birth of a newborn. This is the start of it. Everything in life is fresh and new, everything is done for you. You need the help everyone around you because if left on your own you would die. Just like a baby. It needs fed, bathed, dressed, and even more importantly, loved. This is the first step in the spiritual life as well. It is uncanny when this takes place how everything looks radically different. Nothing remains familiar. It is like living in a completely different world. Here's how mine started. I am always felt that there was WAY more to life than what I was seeing. Almost like there was something behind the scenes. But I definitely didn't know what it was and was convinced that it had nothing to do with religion. (I still think that it has ZERO to do with religion, the magic book is clear on this) I had some things happen that opened my eyes a bit to look into some higher thinking of life. (we all have these things happen, we can chose to look into it, or just let it pass) Well as I investigated the life of a man called Jesus, I was surprised to see how boring the church made Him out to be, while the magic book presented these crazy ideas. One day it came to be that it simply made sense to me (I had no clue where it would lead, but I knew that it was the trail of life that I would follow.) I would follow the course of Jesus. This is where my life of faith began. Here is faith in a nutshell: I had a massive desire to understand what this life is (note it most start with a desire) I needed to find an answer to it, something that could get me there (this is a hope, the thing that you look to, to get the thing that you desire) Jesus presented Himself as the clearest most logical (even though it looks illogical) solution. He became my hope that would get me the answers and understanding that I desired. Now faith is living confidently that you picked the proper hope to get you what you want. I want to shout EUREKA EUREKA I found it!!! I have no doubt what so ever that my Hope is everything that I could have ever dreamed. The understanding that I have and the clarity see it with is remarkable to say the least. I am still following my Hope and the progression to understanding is entering a whole new realm right now. The progression continues. I am imagine that to those watching I will look more idiotic than ever before, but that is okay. This trail has let me see things that I had no idea that I could ever see from the start of it. I cannot wait to see what is up ahead. In my next post I want to talk about the progression and where it starts. Until then....make sure you eat your broccoli!

Get me off the downers......or Insanity versus lunacy

A few weeks ago I posted a quote that I heard that was one of the wisest things that has ever entered my ears. Tonight it went through my head and I heard it so clearly spoken. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result. Wow... I do not want to be called insane. I do not mind being called a lunatic because I believe a few thousand years ago that a man taught a whole bunch of stuff about real living, died (clearly with me in mind,) then came back to life (meaning His soul returned to His dead body and woke Him up) then He left the earth but then sent this His Spirit back to the earth to teach people. (This sounds like something I lunatic would believe, therefore I am fine with being called that name) But I would hate to be remembered as being insane. I just picture people driving by my house pointing at the guy that is waiting for oranges to appear on his apple tree. Hopefully some kind soul would stop and gently say, "Sir....you have to plant orange seeds to get oranges. It doesn't matter how much you do to that apple tree, it will never give you an orange."
I do not want to be that man! I want some people to start asking me, "what are you doing different to achieve the life that you want?" I want to be held accountable to the fact that my life has got to change in order to become a man. Childish things must be laid to rest. I want to be asked if this is happening regularly. I am tried of insanity. It is tiring. Being a lunatic is a phenomenal way to live. I derive the greatest of highs from lunacy. Insanity brings a total downer to party. Nobody likes a downer. Please people>>>>>>>>help me get off the downers!!!!

A phenomenal love song

This post is simply to share a song by Andrew Peterson (video cheesy, song incredible) This is the best love song that I have heard in along time! It has encouraged me so much! Marriage is much more of a challenge than I would have imagined. It is so easy to have a mediocre one, but a great one is one that takes a deliberate, diligent, and humble approach. Dawn and I have had our share of mediocre times. We are in an extremely sweet spot despite the circumstances of life. I am overjoyed at the idea of continuing our story together, especially in the challenges of the future. This song communicates the past, present and future. I hope that this will encourage you to meditate on the promises that you made your wife/husband and go back to them and enjoy this life together!

love conquers a mushy mind

I have had two days of a mushy mind. A few times a year I get this crazy arthritis attack that hits most of my joints, produces some neat fevers and makes my mind a pile of mush. It is during these episodes that I sometimes wonder if my mind will be able to go back to the place it was. (that is, being able to comprehend the love of God) The answer always is.....yes, yes it can. Here's why: There is this amazing reality that no matter what my state of mind, no matter what place that I am in, no matter what I am doing, and no matter what I choose to believe: GOD is who He says that He is. He absolutely, positively never ever changes. Circumstances do not define Him. He is always right there and the second that I seek Him....HE is there. This is gigantic, He simply cannot stop being God. Not for one second. He is bigger than any circumstance. This is one of the best things that I love about Him. He is so completely loyal to Himself and to me! Even more so, He is this to everyone. He doesn't like me anymore than He likes you. He loves you and I both so stinkin' much. Once we let ourselves get entangled in this madness it will always allow our minds to go from mush and back into His presence. I am convinced that this is why we must spend lots and lots of time getting to know His perfect love. There is a confidence that it brings. When you know it, circumstances such as a mushy mind cannot separate you from Him. It always will bring you back. I am rooted in it, despite the fact that I am who I am. Take as much time as you need to know this love. If it is all that you focus on for years you will be so much farther ahead than you could be in any other fashion. I am spending years getting my kids to know my love so that for the rest of their lives they never doubt it. It is indicative to their future. It is the greatest thing that I can give them. God is a way better Father than I am, I am positive that more than anything else you could ever try doing for Him, you knowing and experiencing His love for you is far more important. Once you have that, who knows? But until you do, there is no other place to go. Today while you are sitting there, quiet yourself, and in your mind (not out loud!) ask the God of the entire universe, if He loves you. Ask in a way that you expect to hear something....listen in your mind. I know that you will hear something. He is who He says that He is. If we seek we will find.

Monopoly money cannot get me anything in real life

There is a great truth about love that I am currently learning. It links together so beautifully with the quest for a life of fulfillment that I embarking on. Sometimes I do things that may look like love but I have seen it is still a way to live selfishly. Here's an example without getting too deep into details. I am a night person. I like to stay up late and stare at walls or pace around outside meditating on life. Well I am also a person that has a wife that I am super attracted to. If when nighttime rolls around I am in a hyper mood and my wife is not, I have created this notion that it is showing her love by letting her go to bed without me bothering her and me going outside roasting coffee and pacing. This has gone on for a while and to me I was "being understanding" that she is tired. Well I can clearly see that this is a counterfeit love. It is never going to bring the fulfillment that I desire by my having my wife live the most fulfilled life of being truly loved by her husband. There is no way that she can feel loved by this. What it really is, is me wanting something, knowing I can't have it and picking something else. (there are many definite times that I just want to go and pace more than anything in the world) This is not showing respect or love to her. This is not going to fulfill her need of being loved.
Love becomes all things. It is not showing love to hug my wife. To her it is love. Having late night conversations is not showing love, it is love. God doesn't show love, He loves. It evolves into whatever need I may have. I learned something awesome last night. Jesus was hanging out with His disciples and said listen, here's a new commandment, go love others like I have loved you. God the Father loves me in every place that I need. My eyes are seeing that I can go the rest of my life being loved as deeply as I allow it. It meets my deepest desires and needs. He does this for me, and tells me to go and do it to others, to become this for others. I was outside roasting and clearly heard, "do you really think that she is sitting upstairs filled up with love? Is this how I love you?" This wasn't condemning, it was life giving! Monopoly money cannot get me anything in real life. Either can counterfeit love. I am going to learn to see what "LOVES" my wife. What it is that fills the depths of her heart. I do not have to guess at this. Love isn't a guess. It is a carefully planned, deliberate act that meets the exact need at the exact moment that it is needed. It is intentional. Not only will I stop trying to guess at what love is for her, I am going to watch and learn the same for each of my children and for each of those around me, including you few who are reading this. I want to become the love that you need, that is what God is for me. I like this commandment. It is real, practical, life giving, and leads to everything that I desire for this life.

I am a story from the magic book

I am convinced that I can experience as much of God as anyone that has ever lived. I believe that I can know the one that was there before there was anything, intimately. There is not any difference between now and thousands of years ago. The only difference is that the enemy has had time to plant doubts and lies throughout all the generations. Well I refuse to believe them! I refuse to believe that He has changed one iota. I refuse to believe that He liked someone more than He likes me. I refuse to believe that my faith and Paul's faith would result in different encounters with Him. I refuse to believe that his Jesus and my Jesus are different. I refuse to believe that God doesn't want the same relationship with me as him. I am not going to fall for this counterfeit junk. I am a story from the magic book and I am not going to settle for anything less.

sowing

What happens when you make dumb decisions while living in the now? What if you choose to ignore the present? I suppose this is a component to living in the now that needs to be addressed. One thing for sure is that the moment after you make mistakes, it is no longer the present and becomes the past. Dealing with the past in the present is not really that much fun. Consequences are the fruit regardless to what you sow. Gigantic truth of the day, you can sow to the flesh or you can sow to the Spirit. Either way in the present you are sowing some sort of seeds. Either good ones that will bear the life that you want or bad ones that will bear the life that you hate. What I am dealing with is, how do you quit sowing the bad seeds! How do you get past being sadomasochistic? I think that this is the next crucial step to my journey. I know what the magic book says, but I want the reality of it.
The first step is indeed, humility...Forgiveness must be sought, by all that were hurt. That is the first step of getting back into the present moment. The present is back...now what seeds will I spend the rest of the day sowing? I want the good stuff, but do I hate the bad stuff enough? Do I hate the pain as much as I love the joy? Like one of my mentors routinely cries out, "Lord PLEASE SAVE ME FROM MYSELF!" I can clearly see that this is a seed for the good life. I suppose if I have to keep planting this seed until its fruit begins to produce that it is a good way at starting this garden. That is definitely sowing to the life that I want.

here in the now!

I have felt that I am on the brink of something rather large and meaningful for quite some time now. I had no idea what it was until now. My eyes are open to see it and the light shined bright enough to show me it. Seeing it fills me with a peace and joy that I have sought and knew that I would have once I found it. I must admit, finding it in this fashion was really quite unexpected. The clearness of is it is rather shocking.
Okay here's what it is. I can clearly see that I have everything in place to live the exact life that I think is the most meaningful life that I can live. In other words, I do not need the future to live the life that I want to live, I have it in the now. When I look at my life, everything is in place. This is crazy. What I have seen is that there is no greater way of living than being an upright man. What makes a man upright? When I am not thinking selfishly, I can see that there is utmost value in all human beings. Each person is just as important as myself. God loves them as much as He loves me. I really really believe that God loves me. Seeing that He loves others in the same fashion can be revolutionary and here's why. In my life, I have a wife. This wife is loved by God to the utmost, therefore in being her husband I have this tremendous opportunity to be the husband to someone greatly loved by God. The way that I treat her, lead her, comfort her, entertain her, honor and respect her will show the value of her infinite worth to God. This is a gigantic calling, and it is not in the future....it is here in the now. I have it.
The light continued shining and lit up another one of my desires. Somewhat equal but different in levels of seriousness is the role of a father on this earth. I have three children that are loved by God to the utmost. And wow....I am their dad. I have the opportunity to show them the ropes to this thing called life. Being everything that encompasses a successful dad is so daunting, yet the most exciting thing that I could ever embark on. That is what this light has shown. There is no chasing fancy things and the future for greatness. I have the opportunity to live in it on a daily basis.
I also have people in my life that I have the opportunity to show them how infinitely loved by the eternal God and show them this great honor by loving them. So the three things that I want to be: a husband, father, and friend, are here in the now. It is not some future event. It is in the now. This is the big secret. The now is where you get to experience this, to be it. I cannot find it in the past, I might be able to in the future, but I most definitely can be these things in the present. This is where all fulfillment will be found. In the now I can plant the seeds for the future, but I have to now. I can till the ground that was there (the past) and plant seeds (present) and have fruit (the future.) This is an amazing discovery for myself. It is an awakening, it is the wakeup call that I wanted. Each day has a chance to be all that I want to be. The pieces of my life are here!!!! They are even put together! It is here in the now! (I do not have time to proofread right now, sorry.) (that is for the three of you that read this and found mistakes)

living life, as if on purpose

I stopped and visited an old friend today. I really haven't spent any time with him in the last six years. We talked for a bit, updated current info, then spent a little time talking about the last six years. It is so weird to think about the last six years in a way to bring someone up to date. It is impossible to do without lots of time.
It really got me thinking about some things. I am wondering, who in the last six years knows me? Who knows the emotions, trials, victories, adventures and experiences that I have encountered over that time? Who is with me in this journey? Do I even try and share this trip? Who knows me intimately? Who am I journeying with? Am I on the road with anyone?
Well I think that I can say that my wife is high atop this incredibly short list. Dawn and I have shared many of the same highlights and low lights. This is exciting yet eye opening. I can clearly see that far too much of life is slipping by without any clear focus. Instead we are cruising through our life. Instead of exploring together we are going in circles and seeing the same stuff. I want life to be as if we are climbing a mountain together. We are together at the base and we look up and we see our task. We have the same goal. We desire the same satisfaction. We consciously, diligently, and alertly travel together. The other way is living sub consciously next to each other. You are around one another yet you can do it in a way that takes zero effort. I have ONE LIFE! One life.....one life....this is MY journey. This is MY lone attempt at life. It will be what I make it. Jesus said that some will bear fruit of 30 fold, 60 fold or 100 fold. What this means is that some are going to really wake up to the possibilities of this life. There are some that are going to realize the reality of life, of their life. They are going to tap into that reality and really experience life and the potential of it. I want my stinkin' wake up call. I see this and I want it so badly. I want the fog of my brain to lift, my eyes to see, my mind to wrap itself around this truth and my body to follow. I want to live and bear maximum fruit. I want to sow to this reality so that years from now the fruit is simply abounding off the tree. I want to journey with my wife. I want to journey with my children. I want Silas, Ella and Asher to have clear vision early to living this one life. I am so excited to the possibilities of their respective journeys! I want to climb this mountain. I no longer want to walk around it thinking it is simply a rock. I want to explore it, live it and get the most out of it that I can. What else is there to do? This is the truth as far as I see it. It is everything that Jesus taught and the magic book (bible) has tried to communicate yet it got mixed up to become a religion and not the truth. I am going to live it as the truth. I am going to be free. I am going to find the purpose of each day. It is the only one of them I will ever get. I am going to sniff out what the point of today is each day. Not live as a maniac but live as an explorer, a sojourner. I want to treat the day as a tourist rather than a resident. I want to share this adventure and travel with as many others as I can. (this is what the church should look like) In five years I want to see a cast of faces that have taken part in my purpose, and I, theirs. This requires total openness and honesty. Without it we will not be sharing with each other. The good and worst must be known to get where we are going. No masks or walls. We have to do it together. Who out there reading this wants to travel with me? (this could be hypothetical because maybe no one is reading this) We travel together but the journey is yours. We simply help one another along with it. I need help being a child, being a father, discovering the insane mysteries of being married and taking it to levels unknown, being your friend, and all of my other daily ventures. I need travelers who want the unknown, who want to go to uncharted territory. Many have traveled there but there are no maps. I need those that will push, pull and carry me when needed. This is what I want. This what I see life and the church as. I love the magic book but I love its reality even more. I do not want the book, I want the adventure that it starts and leads you on. No more blurs of unconscious living. No more venturing alone. I cannot get to where I want to go without help. It is simply too chaotic and crazy of a climb to get where I want to go. Who wants to travel together? I am counting my wife in kids in as a given, but I need others that want to live as if on purpose?

Remaining

It was declared that by remaining here, I will find all of the joy that I could ever imagine. I believe it. I look around and all that I desire is here. The deepest caverns of my heart start to come to life when I enter this place, while I am here they continue to fill. There are things that I hope to be. When I gaze this place and I am mesmerized by the fact that they are here. I am told that if I stay, I can have them. I can be them. When you get what you want, doesn't that fulfill your joy? Isn't that a reason to rejoice? I believe that it is. When you find all that you have ever wanted, doesn't that call for a celebration? I believe that it does. This is what I have found, why would I ever leave? I cannot think of a reason that I should. This how I feel about Jesus. Everything that I want to be, everything that I have always wanted, I have found in Him. This is truly the most incredible thing in the world. I never would have guessed, but it is true. 2000 plus years ago He told those following Him to remain in Him and all of the joy that they could have ever wanted would be there. Joy is something different than happiness. It is richer, fuller, and long lasting. It brings life to the deepest caverns of the heart. Mine are awakening. The freedom that is here is able to liberate me from myself and become all that I aspire to be. A husband, a father, and a friend. There is no place that I know of like this place. It holds the answers and offers all the hope that I need. There is no reason to leave, I think that I will remain.

The Solution

The Solution

Every problem needs a solution. There is not a single person that I know that likes to be stuck in a problematic situation. The instant that it arises we begin to look for hope. That is, we look for something that can give us confidence that the problem can come to an end. We need that hope. Every situation that has ever existed has this same chronological order of events. Normalcy-a problem pops up-a remedy is sought (something to place hope in) - a time of faith (living confidently that our hope will provide the solution to the problem) then three things can happen. The first is that our hope does solve our problem and everything turns out the way that we desired. The second is that it does not solve the problem and we go back to the drawing board and look for a new hope. Upon finding it we place our faith in it. The third scenario is that our hope fails and we simply give up, in essence, we become hopeless.

In looking at my life I have a problem. My problem is that there is a wall that surrounds me and keeps me from going where I want to. If you were wearing special glasses you would see that a cage holds me captive. I am being held back from the life of fulfillment that I have planned and desperately desire. I guess I need to take a step back and introduce you to that plan. I call it Operation Fulfillment.

Operation Fulfillment is somewhat of a Benjamin Button look at my life. A while ago, I read one of the most thought provoking books of my life. “Million Miles in a Thousand Years” is authored by one of my favorites, Donald Miller. There is something electric about the words that he presented in this book that sent shockwaves into my thought life. This book really caused me to take a step back and look deeply at my life. I would like to preface the rest of this by saying that I am very humbled by what has taken place in my life. I have not done anything earth shattering but I have been able to experience things that I never dreamed were even possible.

Twelve years ago I was a lonely, lost fellow with really no hope of doing anything that mattered in this life. I was scared of everything. I had no one to turn to and really had no clue what life was all about. To say the least, something insane happened that opened the floodgates to a life I could not have imagined. (This is not about what happened then, let’s just say that Him being real changed my world!) Since then I have seen places, done things, and touched lives I never imagined was possible.

In spite of these experiences I still felt that my life was lacking and that as far as direction went, I was still guessing at which way to go. Instead of having a plan, I was just improvising and trying to live the most fulfilling life that I could and quite honestly, failing. After reading Mr. Miller’s latest book there was a major shift in thought in my mind. I had this idea to take a look at my life in reverse. I sat in my favorite chair and looked at life through the lens of me at seventy years old. I hypothesized about what would give me the satisfaction of a fulfilled life when I am that age. I came up with four premises that would take my story to the level of Cinderella Man. God, my wife, my children and community.

The first premise is also the one that must flow into the other ones or else my story will never get off the ground and I will always be reaching, grasping and coming up short. This river for this life is actually, that. I must remain planted by the river of life. My roots must be firmly dug into and growing deeper in the banks of God’s love for me. If not then I will shrivel up and die. This is what started this story within a story to begin with and that has to remain intact and constant.

The second premise is one that may have come from another of Miller’s books. This is the reality that my story and my wife’s story will be intertwined with each other. That is, I am completely responsible for making it as magical as I can. I love this! I want more than anything, my wife to look back when she is seventy and say, “Wow! I am loved! I lived the dream as a bride!” I want her to have few regrets and lots of dreams discovered including the ones that she is yet to have. I understand that I play a undeniably huge role in making this a reality.

The third is that I want my three children to be planted in my love for them and be able to thrive there. I want them to have memories that can instantly transport them to a place that they can gain security from. I want them to know how to navigate themselves in this world with success and humility wrapped into a neat little package. I want them to know that the greatest pleasures of this life do not need a bank account. I want to them to always see me as their Daddy, just as God wants me to do the same to Him. I want to give them the best start for their story that I can.

The final premise of Operation Fulfillment is that I want to influence everyone that I encounter to go after their life of fulfillment. I want to help the prospects of a wasted life. Every life matters. I want to influence those who do not see their story. Twelve years ago I did not see a story. I wanted a story but I was not an author. I have the vision I once did not and I want to spread it into the lives of those I encounter that are lacking it. I want to bring hope to the hopeless.

When I looked back at my life as a seventy year old, this is what I saw would provide the satisfaction that I long for now. I have the vision and the way. But now I have a problem. I do not have the keys to the cage. I need a bulldozer for the wall. But I may have found the hope. That is, the thing that could activate this plan and really give it some legs to walk with. Mr. Miller is having a conference regarding our life as a story. Gathering there is a community of people that desire a life of fulfillment or to live out the best story possible. I have not encountered many people that share this vision. A fulfilled life is different than being happy today. That feeling of a fulfilled life to me is the highest way of living a man or woman can attain. There is a rest and peace there that I do not think that I could find any other place. That life starts now, a fulfilled minute will turn into an hour, an hour into a day, a day into a week, a week, into a month, a month into a year, and year into a lifetime. It starts now, but I feel stuck. I really believed that being immersed into a community of likeminded people for a few days could be the spark that I am searching for to start this fire. I do not want to live in that community, I want to be able to create that community in places that surround me. To be picked to win this would be another dream in this life I did not think was possible, but I now know that it is. The premise is there, the execution has begun. What I need is the solution to my problem, my hope is this conference. My faith is that this blog will win the all expense paid trip to it. I believe you hold the keys, will you unlock the cage?

Living a Better Story Seminar from All Things Converge Podcast on Vimeo.

The Wall.....not pink floyd's

There is this thing in my life that I feel has always been there. It something that I cannot see or touch yet it is as real as a mountain in front of me. I can be running along and "CRASH" I run right into it. It is an invisible wall. I really cannot stand it and have reached a point of desperately wanting to tear it down. It is a roadblock to everything that I want to do in life and I am worn out and frustrated by its detours. It always takes me to a place that I do not have any desire to go to and never actually gets me to where I am going. I have literally been around the world and have run into it where ever I have been.
The thing about it, though, is that it is imaginary and it is something that MY mind created years ago as a safety mechanism. It keeps me from going too far and making it to the outside. Like a fenced in yard for children, it keeps them safe, yet never lets them explore and know what is just beyond the gate. This wall has kept me from going to0 far and from falling too fast. Well I no longer want this cage. This safety net can be removed from beneath me. My fear and need of safety is no longer a part of my being...I feel it is one of the last parts of my being in need of transformation. I am ready for the training wheels to be removed, I am ready to ride, and ready to scrape my knee. I am ready to be free from this thing in my brain. I am ready to become what I want to be without any restrictions, free of any invisible walls that impede my way. The solution is coming.....I hope and coming soon.

An invitation

Something that I have recently discovered is that there is something utterly amazing about the Lord's Prayer that I have never heard mentioned (I am sure countless others have had this epiphany as is this the case with all of my AH HA moments.) There is no doubt that Jesus is giving some much needed advice on how to talk to God, but something that is overlooked and crucial to how is the fact that Jesus is spelling out that we have been invited to talk to God. Not only invited to talk to Him but to go ahead and call Him, Father. This is gigantic in my mind. We are invited to talk to Him as if He is our Dad! Now being a father myself I have come to understand somethings of God that maybe I otherwise wouldn't have. When I look at my kiddos I am filled with a love so strong that I would do absolutely anything for them to not suffer, worry, fear, panic, or any other element to life that is harsh on the insides. I would never want them to sit there suffering without my knowing. As soon as I know, I am doing all I can to alleviate their pain. Honestly it doesn't matter what it is. If it is a stupid mistake that they made I still want to help that pain. I know that pain. I have experienced that pain and it is something I would not my child to think that they have to go through on their own with. So I know the love that a Father has for their child. From the time Silas was born I have wanted him to know that he can trust me, he can count on me. Well I am an unskilled man and I have such love. With the teaching of the Lord's Prayer, we have the same exact thing but from Almighty God. He could have instructed in any way that He wanted to. He could have had a tyrant mindset and proclaim that you address me as "Sir" or the Supreme Almighty Being but He didn't. He instructed us to come to Him and call Him Dad. He encourages us to talk to Him as a child does his father. I am completely imperfect, meaning that I am filled with imperfections, and yet, I want my children to know the love I have for them. The adoration I have when I look at them. I want them to know that their Dad will do anything for them and can be counted on. This is what we have here, Almighty God wants to be called Daddy. He wants to be counted on, depended on, trusted, run to, enjoyed, loved and experienced. He adores me and has invited me to call Him Father. Just as a Silas and Ella call on me, I can call on Him. I can express my needs, ask for help, and know completely that I will not be left alone. I am an unskilled man and would not do that to my children, the One who is from the beginning would not either! There is no method to talking to Him, it is invitation to rest in a father's love and company. He wants us in His company! He wants us in His Family. This truth opens up the door to what to pray, it isn't what, it is the fact that I am invited to do so. I love when I can get the kids talking all about life and what they might neeed or desire. They admit their mistakes, tell funny jokes, ask lots of questions and simply be themselves. Through that I am able to see what they need to learn, how I can teach them, and most importantly just enjoy their presence. I am unskilled man and experience this. I can only imagine how my Father in Heaven feels when I come to Him and do the same. What an invitation!